Esp. when you face loss such as this as early as 16. Especially if you carried the stillborn babies (twins) in my case, for many weeks (over one trimenster) and your physician chose not to inform you that your children were deceased. They were born on Halloween, of all nights, in 1976. The hospital staff pressured me while I was still in a deep stupor due to the very large dose of narcotics they gave me to sign a release form to incinerate my babies remains. There was no funeral, no grave. I never saw them. Needless to say, this loss grabbed my soul and froze it in that moment of time. I tried to grapple with this event in my life like wild grass clings to a granite boulder. To get myself unstuck took many many years of seeking. The birth of two living beautiful sons cut open a roof to let sun shine in my sky. But in no wise does anything lessen the loss of two priceless human beings who were given by God. Loss defined by great trauma attaches that which was lost with immutible bonds to the living. I will never let my twin sons go. But I trust their safe-keeping to their Maker.
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