December 17th, 2007 I woke up from a terrible nightmare. I dreamt that I slept on my back all night and when I went to the doctors my son was dead. My doctor blamed me and called me a terrible person and a horrible mother, he said I suffocated my son. I woke up so upset. That day I had a doctors appointment, everything was going well until he went to check the heartbeat…there wasn’t one. Ultrasound machine showed me that my son had died.

December 18th, I delivered my baby boy…his name is Josiah. I found out that I have Factor V Leiden, a blood clotting disorder. There was a blood clot in the placenta and it kept oxygen from getting to him. My son died from being slowly suffocated.

Josiah, I love you my son, you are my first child. I miss you and wish you didn’t have to go before you arrived. I used to blame myself for your death, I still have trouble sometimes, but I know that you are with me always. Your little sister will always know of you. She loves you already.


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